New York City is the greatest city on planet earth. Every person is a character and every day an adventure. It is on the cutting edge of fashion, technology, and fancy dining. No where else in the world are there people more willing to unite to overcome crisis and disaster. One day in New York is equivalent to a year of life anywhere else. Everyone who lives there is street smart and tough, and all those who do not are stupid whiny pussies. I know all of this because it has been the theme of every movie for the past ten years.

Quick! Name one disaster movie that doesn't take place in New York. Can't do it? That's because there are none. Central Park has become the hub for the planets intergalactic airport. If there is a giant monster, alien death cruiser, or meteor determined to make the Earth into another asteroid belt, chances are more than likely that they will be routed through there. The streets of New York have seen more action than the grotto at the Playboy mansion. Radioactive lizards, giant apes, marshmallow men, and Sara Jessica Parker's nose have all took turns smashing office buildings and eating hot dog vendors. Not to mention all the goddamn aliens. You can't swing a sock full of nickles without hitting some walking robot equipped with a death ray. Every threat to the planet has taken their turn shitting on New York. Yet it still lays on its back like a desperate fecalphiliac with its eyes closed and its mouth open, waiting for the next disaster.

All in all New York has been burned to the ground more times than can be counted and yet every time is regenerates to its former glory within days. No matter how many buildings get knocked down, the skyline will remain identical the next morning. Unless of course they are taken down with a commercial airliner.

Jokes about New York I did not get to:

Cab drivers are crazy or Arab.

Homeless, (a joke in itself).

A river of psychoactive ooze flows in the old subway system.

Jews.