Job: Actor, Philosopher, Red Carpet Party Killer, Hog Wrangler.
Birthplace: Somewhere with very thin oxygen
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Filmography, Very Abbreviated:
- The Buddy Holly Story
- Lethal Weapon
- Predator 2
- Point Break
- Under Siege

When it comes to Gary Busey, there simply are no words. I will do my best to explain his many eccentricities to those who are unaware of his work, but no terrestrial language can accurately describe him. Stated simply he is batshit crazy, but as strong as those words sound they still do not quite capture all that which is Busey. He is the most terrifying man in the Western Hemisphere and the last person you would want to get stuck in an elevator with.

He wasn't always like this, in fact there was a time when the name Gary Busey didn't cause people to run for cover at the Oscars red carpet pre-show. The neurons of his brain once fired in a normal order and allowed him to respond to stimuli in a logical way. However, one tragic day changed that forever. Gary was enjoying a nice motorcycle ride around the Texas countryside when he lost control and was flung into a windmill turbine, then a mound of fertilizer, and finally a vat of nuclear waste. He miraculously survived and was forever transformed. He was endowed with the power to change joy into fear, twist any sentence into a proverb, and plow corn fields with his teeth.

It is true that Gary Busey is the closest thing our planet has to a comic book super hero, but he has not aligned himself with good or evil. So far, his only allegiances are with insanity and absurdity, this makes him not only impossible to understand but also impossible to deal with. If he simply decided to use his powers to help or hurt, we could categorize him and move on with our lives. However he has used his powers to confuse, to kick up as much mud in the water as he can to keep anyone from following him down into his own deranged mind. He is the Mad Hatter of Hollywood and no one knows what the hell to do with him.

Most people live their lives thinking that Gary Busey can never happen to them, that he might harass tween girls giving mock interviews on the Red Carpet, but that he will never effect their lives. It's true, most people on the planet will go their entire lives without ever meeting Mr. Busey. It's also true that most people will never have their homes burn down or be struck by lightning, but precautions are always taken. As long as Gary Busey is alive and 'well', people should be prepared for the worst.

It is important to realize that Gary Busey does not want to actually cause physical harm to you. In his own mind he is changing lives with his inverted proverbs and dead stares. In many cases he actually is, just not in the intended way. In the event of an attack, stay calm and slowly move to the nearest door with a lock. Always remember that a conversation with him is not unlike being trapped in quicksand. If you fight, it will pull you deeper.